Tigress in Spandex

I took up running when I was 43. This would have been easier if I hadn't taken up 20 extra pounds at 42. Needless to say, it's been a year and I still work really hard at being able to maintain endurance for a 5k. What a chore.

First is the mental piece. I have to tell myself all day that I am going to run after work, because otherwise I'll be in the break room eating doughnuts. Several times. Before lunch. One must not run with a belly full of fried dough and sugar glaze.

Second, I have to gear up. Sports bra first. All hooks hooked? Check! Velco fixtures firmly affixed? Check! Nipples aiming the same direction? Emergency rip cords and flotation devices in place? Check, check, check! Amen, these jugs are not going to budge. Pull on tiny, unflattering spandex shorts, lace up the shoes, and out the door I go.

Next, I drive to the trail, start up the tunes, and start plodding along. If you didn't know how old I was, after one glance at my playlist, you would know: Counting Crows, Bell Biv DeVoe, Bjork. I'm out of breath by the 5th stride. Oh my God, when is this OVER?  The first 10 minutes are the worst. The only thing I can think about is what I want to eat later. Today the sports bra might be a little snug with the monthly bloat, and I can feel an overhang of backfat jiggling with each step as it oozes fearlessly out the back of my racerback tank. I feel fat. I feel old. I feel out of shape. This is torture.

Then my body finally takes over, and I get my groove on. My blood is pumping - sha lalalala la, it's Mr. Jones and me, and we are INVINCIBLE, baby! My stride is rhythmic, my breath is confident. My backfat has dissolved into a sheet of lean muscle, and before I know it, my run is over. I walk it off, a sweaty tower of endorphins. I am a tigress! I am an Olympian! In the car on the drive home, I extend my arm out the window, palm open, fingers splayed like a starfish. I feel like I am shooting magic energy from my fingertips into the universe - hold on. WAIT! WHAT IS THAT IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR?!? It's my upper arm skin, unfurling and flapping like a flag, oscillating in the wind. And just like that, my magic is gone.