Literally

Yesterday morning, my husband Marty said, "I might grill later."  So in the afternoon, thinking I should start marinating and skewering stuff, I asked if he decided whether or not he was going to grill. He responded, "I guess so, maybe."  I stared at him. What does that MEAN? Can't he just give me a yes or no? He says stuff like this all the time. I decided to marinate meat and hope for the best. It wasn't worth an argument - been there, done that. I planned to make corn on the cob and asked him how many he wanted. He responded, "One or two."  Sigh.

My sister accuses me of "being too literal" so I try to remember that. Maybe it's less a matter of others failing to be clear, but a matter of me not being able to interpret properly. I wonder if how we interpret and how we communicate have more to do with the way we think or the way we listen.

I listen literally. I can't help it. My brain is bad at translating. I won't even mention the horrifying things I have done to song lyrics. At one point, I asked my doctor to check my hearing. It was fine.  My favorite example is when Marty and I were dining out. He ordered for dessert, what we nickname a "Chocolate Bomb." This is a general term we use to refer to any warm chocolate brownie or chocolate cake smothered in hot chocolate goo and a scoop of vanilla ice cream melting all over it. Anyway, at the end of our meal, the server delivered Marty's Bomb and said, "Mexican plate?" Marty smiled and agreed. I stared intensely at his melting chocolate shit pile while he ate, desperate for my brain to translate. I knew I misheard something, but couldn't figure it out. Marty read my face, and I confessed. "Why did the waiter call your Bomb a Mexican plate?"  Marty said, "Oh my God, he said 'MAKES IT COMPLETE'." Say that with a Southern accent (like the server), and you'll see my point.

Photo from foodnetwork.com: Almost-Famous Molten Chocolate Cake